SANCTUM STAFF ORGANIZE OFFICIAL FIGHT CLUB
In perhaps an emblematic of display of the looser, more open philosophy being presented by the new Fifth Sanctum administration, it was announced this week that a “Super Sanctum Fighting Tournament” would be held in order to allow students to blow off steam. While the outlandish name and open boundaries – magic and weapons are both allowed, with fights to knock-out or surrender – are reminiscent more of Mortal Kombat than most sporting events, Dean of Student Life, Kelly Pasket, assured The Enquirer that the tournament was completely safe.
“There are safeguards, never in my time has a student ended up with irreparable damage” Miss Pasket claimed, going on to call the environment the tournament offered “really safe and structured.” This refers, presumably to the infirmary staff who will be on hand and attempts that will be made to initially match students against competitors of similar ability. Miss Pasket believes the safety and structure offered by the official tournament will also prevent students from being tempted to start their own, less official fights, despite acknowledging the Sunnybrook tradition of sparring in the gym without supervision.
In defence of the administration's support of student-on-student violence, Pasket had this to say: “I get it, I see where they're coming from. What I want the students to accomplish with this is like, building friendships. Show that they're strong together, right?” This comes as the baseball club remains in the planning stages and entirely in student hands, while staff weight is thrown behind this tournament – one must presume, because the open rules and simplicity of the arrangement makes it inclusive for students of all kinds to join in the melee.
Students concerned about the danger of a no-holds-barred brawl can be consoled by Ms Pasket's assurance that there are limits to what students are permitted to bring into the ring – news which may also disappoint some students hoping to even the playing field with heavy ordinance.
One student, who gave her name as Annora, when asked for her opinion on the tournament, pithily asked “Why do people want to fight each other?” If Ms Pasket is to be believed, the answer to that question is in the interest of school spirit and supernatural brotherhood, as she is hoping that the students - “ the future of our world” - will “show that they're strong together”.
In the interest of disclosure, this reporter will be joining the tournament out of natural journalistic curiosity, and hopes to see you either competing or cheering for your fellow students from the sidelines.
Your humble servant, Austin Silver